Get Real - Get Girlfriends!

Elaine Bonds visited the Charlottesville MOPS last week to talk about an important part of life – friendship.  Elaine, who is a mentoring mom for a MOPS group in Clifton, Virginia, explained that growing up as the only girl and having a mom who didn’t have many girlfriends herself, she had to study other women to find out how to build relationships.

“It was a challenge for me to make friends,” she said.

A Stanford University study showed that women not having close friends can be as harmful to their health as smoking.  And a Duke University study showed that between 1985 and 2004 the average number of friends most people have dropped from three to two.  Nearly one-quarter of Americans say they have no close friends.

“We need friends for support and encouragement in difficult times, but the time to make friends is not in the middle of a crisis,” Elaine said.

Elaine outlined four types of women in need of friendship: Lonely Lucy, Needy Nora, Surface Sally and Fruitful Freda.

A person who is in a lonely stage of life needs to take small steps to create a relationship.  Pick up the phone and call just one person you think you connect with and invite them over for coffee.

Almost everyone finds themselves being the needy person in a relationship.  However, there are some people who always seem to have a problem and who needs additional attention.  Those friends can become a bit tiresome and find that others do not have the energy to connect.  If you find yourself as a Needy Nora, Elaine suggests that you sit back and try to talk about anything but yourself.  Show interest in others and be sure to count your blessings.

On the flip side, Surface Sally doesn’t share much if anything about herself.  She probably knows a lot of people but has no deep relationships. She is scared because maybe she has been burned by a friend in the past and has an issue with trust.  Elaine says we all need someone to confer with and to share our fears.  Find one person you trust and share one thing.  Don’t go too far too fast, though, or you could turn into a Needy Nora.

Finally, Elaine explained that Fruitful Freda is the person who has great, deep friendships.

“Though we need girlfriends in our lives, we need to remember that the one true friendship that never goes away is our relationship with Jesus Christ,” Elaine says.  “Psalm 139 sums up our relationship perfectly.

“O Lord, you have searched me and you know me.  You know when I sit and when I rise.  You discern my going out and my lying down; you are familiar with all my ways.  Before a word is on my tongue you know it completely, O Lord.”